Hell House by Richard Matheson

A group of ghost hunters walk into a haunted house. Sounds like the opening of a joke, for my money, but it’s not. Instead, it’s the premise for one of the weirdest, creepiest, horniest and silliest (in the sense of the ending, that is) haunted house books I’ve ever read, and that’s saying something because I consider myself a connoisseur of haunted house novels. Hell House by Richard Matheson is a riff on The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson, but with tits, sex, crucifixes, cats, and a shit-ton of booze. I personally like a good horror novel to get me into the holiday spirit, whether or not the book itself is Christmassy. This one is most decidedly NOT at all, but really, it’s the contrast that does it for me.

Dr. Lionel Barrett, his sexually repressed (but is she, really?) wife Edith, a young psychic named Florence Tanner, and Benjamin Franklin Fischer all descend upon the infamous Belasco House at the behest of millionaire Deutsch to prove that there is indeed life beyond death, for a hefty chunk of money. Fischer is the sole survivor of a previous jaunt to Belasco House, also known as Hell House, when he and several colleagues decided to try and see just what was going on in the house. Hell House got its moniker from when it was owned and lived in by Emeric Belasco, who was a connoisseur of orgies, more orgies, and still more orgies, with the occasional murder thrown in for good measure.

The book itself has an atmosphere of dread from the beginning, when the Fabulous Foursome descend upon Belasco House and explore top to bottom. They find, of course, a vast and cavernous kitchen where several orgy menus are found. There is an enormous dining room where some funky action happens later in the evening – no, not THAT kind of funky action, perverts! Of course, being a haunted house, there is also a chapel into which Florence the psychic cannot enter in a scene very reminiscent of the one in Hill House where Eleanor Vance cannot enter the library due to a smell that only she can perceive.

All four characters are affected by the spirits in Hell House in different ways. Barrett has his mental defenses broken down little by little, as well as his physical defenses. Edith begins to drink more and in her cups, her repressed sexual urges start to make themselves known, first to her husband (who is appalled, the weirdo), then to Fischer, and then most interestingly toward Florence, about whom she starts having extremely raunchy fantasies. Fischer himself survived the house the first time by essentially shutting down his mental and emotional states, and when he decides to let the house past his mental defenses, he is tormented by visions of murder and lust.

Florence in particular is targeted by what she believes is the ghost of Belasco’s son. The ghost essentially starts to make Florence believe through her psychic perceptions that the only way his spirit can be released is if he has sex with her. No, seriously. So eventually, Florence is manipulated into letting the ghost into her bed. Big mistake. Big. Huge. The ghost rapes her quite brutally, leaving her covered in bites and blood and her mind destroyed. This is a lesson to you all, boys and girls. Don’t fuck with ghosts……literally.

The end was quite a letdown, I must say. SPOILER ALERT! After Barrett and Florence are killed by the malicious spirit of Hell House, only Fischer and Edith are left to try and find the remains of the ghost hidden somewhere in the house and destroy them, thus destroying the spirit. If you’ve seen the number of episodes of Supernatural that I have, it’s easy to understand that this is the only way to get rid of a spirit. What they find is the actual preserved corpse of Emeric Belasco himself. He has managed to incorporate his brain into some type of electrical current that affects the house because he was so angry in life that he wanted his spirit to live on after his death to torment other people who came to his house. And his reason for being such an angry man? He was born short. Yes, kids, the house is haunted by a short dude who took off his own legs and instead used giant prosthetic legs to make himself appear as a giant to further terrify people. (sigh) In other words, he was fun-sized and was mad about it.

Aside from its inherent shock value, laughable moments interspersed with some genuinely creepy scenes, lots of tits and ass and sexual fantasies and blasphemy, there are any number of delectable food references. Well, if you were Emeric Belasco and needed to keep your orgy partners well-nourished, you’d probably have some elaborate meals served too, right? This scene, in which the four ghost hunters explore the dining area and come across some menus detailing what Belasco fed his party attendees, was quite inspiring for an orgy menu.

Fischer pulled a sheet of yellow-edged cardboard from one of the drawer and pointed a flashlight at it. “What’s that?” Barrett asked. “One of their menus, dated March 27, 1928. Shrimp bisque. Sweetbreads in gravy. Stewed capon. Bread sauce in gravy. Creamed cauliflower. For dessert, amandes en creme: crushed almonds in whipped egg whites and heavy cream.” Barrett chuckled. “His guests must have all had heartburn.” “The food wasn’t aimed at their hearts,” said Fischer…….

Here is my own version of Orgy Shrimp Bisque!

INGREDIENTS
1 pound large shrimp, rinsed, shelled and deveined
2 medium shallots
3 Tbsp olive oil
2 cloves garlic
4 cups seafood stock
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1/4 cup white wine
1/4 cup cream sherry
4 Tbsp butter
1/4 cup flour
1 cup milk
1 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup tomato paste
Salt and pepper to taste
Optional: flat-leaf parsley for garnish

METHOD
Slice and mince the shallots and garlic, and sauté in the olive oil for about 7 minutes.

Add the cayenne and the shrimp and cook for about a minute.

Splash in the white wine and the sherry and cook another 3 minutes, stirring constantly.

Puree the mixture using a hand blender and set aside, heat off.

In another pan, melt the butter then add the flour, stirring constantly. Don’t let it burn.

Pour in the milk and heavy cream and whisk over medium heat until the mixture ishot and has thickened to a gravy consistency.

Stir in the pureed shrimp and pour in the stock and add the tomato paste.

Heat over medium until hot but don’t let it boil over. Taste for seasoning and add salt and pepper as needed.

Decant into small bowls and garnish with whole shrimp.