Snow, Glass, Apples by Neil Gaiman

I’m a sucker for fairy tales, always have been, and always will be. When I was little, one of my very first pieces of creative writing was retelling the story of Hansel and Gretel from the wicked old lady’s viewpoint and how these bratty little kids tried to eat her dream house, accused her of cannibalism, and tried to force her into an oven. I had such a blast doing it, but one of the results of it was that I always would wonder about the tale told from the antagonist’s side. Neil Gaiman’s amazingly beautiful graphic novel Snow, Glass, Apples does just this, taking the age-old tale of Snow White and telling it from the POV of the “wicked” stepmother and queen.

Everyone knows the story of Snow White, right? Here’s the Reader’s Digest version, if you don’t know it. The beautiful Queen who dies giving birth to a beautiful baby girl with jet-black hair, ruby-red lips, and skin as white as snow, for which she is given her name. Snow White grows up with her father the King in his beautiful castle, beloved and pampered, until her father remarries. Her stepmother becomes Queen when the King dies and, being absurdly jealous of Snow White as well as a being a witch in her own right, decides to get rid of Snow White by having her huntsman kill the girl and bring back her heart as proof. The huntsman brings back the heart of an animal, the Queen is satisfied, and Snow White escapes to live in the forest with seven dwarves. She cooks and cleans for them and lives a content life. The Queen, whose magic mirror shows her all she needs to know, informs her that Snow White is still alive and determines to rid herself of the girl, once and for all. Using her witch talents to transform herself into a harmless old crone, the Queen knocks on the cottage door where Snow White lives with the dwarves, and offers her first a poison comb for her hair, then a magical corset which nearly strangles the breath from the girl. When those magical objects fail to kill Snow White, the Queen enchants a beautiful red apple with poison, Snow White eats it, a piece lodges in her throat and she is thought to be dead by the dwarves, who put her incorruptible body into a glass coffin. A price happens by on his horse, sees the beautiful lifeless Snow White, falls in love, kisses her and dislodges the apple piece. She returns to life, the Prince marries her, and they return to the castle where they confront the Queen. The Queen is punished by being made to wear red-hot iron shoes, in which she is forced to dance at Snow White and the Prince’s wedding until she dies.

Pretty different from the Walt Disney version many of us grew up on, right? What makes this tale stand out so much is that it reads very much like a horror novel. Here, the Queen is indeed Snow White’s stepmother, in love with the King and loves her beautiful stepdaughter. Until the day Snow White shows her true colors – pardon the pun – and demonstrates her fangs and blood-thirst by sucking the blood from her stepmother’s wrist. The stepmother lives in terror of her monstrous stepdaughter whilst also seeing her husband, the King, gradually waste away. She notices scars on his body indicative of bite marks, including some on his genitals (eeewwww.) When he inevitably dies, she becomes Queen and makes plans to rid the kingdom of the evil that is Snow White. She is able to banish Snow White, first by sending her into the forest where the girl continues her reign of killing and terror, then by immobilizing her with a poisoned apple. Of course, the Prince enters the picture, first when he meets the Queen and they have a brief affair, then later when he finds the body of Snow White lying in its cold glass tomb. The poisoned apple is removed from her body, and the two return to the castle where they imprison the Queen, shave her head, remove her clothes, parade her naked through the streets of the village near the castle, and then lock her in a large room that gradually roasts her to death.

So you see? All the important and recognizable elements are here. The stepmother becoming Queen. Snow White being sent away for dead, then killed again with the apple. The Prince finding Snow White, kissing her, and removing the curse of the apple. The evil stepmother Queen being imprisoned until death. Even the seven dwarves make an appearance, and the magical mirror? That’s how the Queen is able to find out that Snow White is still alive wreaking havoc, and makes her own plans to weaponize the apple with poison. It’s just the way that Gaiman takes these elements, swirls them around in his own witch’s brew, and then portions them back out, page by terrifying page, so that we, the readers, are similarly enthralled.

It’s a fairy tale, all right, but most definitely not one for children. There is very explicit sex, both in words and in the beautiful illustrations, there are hints of necrophilia, there is a reference to incest (the daughter putting the oral moves on her father as she drains his blood from his penis), and there is the implied gruesome death of the stepmother Queen at the end, where she is rubbed with oil and roasted alive, much as one would roast a piece of meat for the dining table. That being said, it’s an absolutely gorgeous book, with fantastical and colorful illustrations done in a manga-like style; and of course Gaiman’s prose is like magic in word form. There is also the centuries-old concept of the apple being used as a weapon and the unintended (or maybe not) Biblical subtext since apples are so associated with the Bible, Adam and Eve, and the idea of knowledge of good and evil being the fruition – pardon the pun – of our modern concept of sin. All of these combine to create one of the more fascinating and modern-day fairy tales I’ve read in many years.

My own personal inspiration for today’s post came from this deliciously evil little tidbit near the beginning of the book when Snow White “innocently” comes to the Queen’s chambers in search of something to eat, as would any sweet little child. Little does the Queen know what she’s in for when she decides to feed her stepdaughter that apple.

“What are you doing away from your room?” “I’m hungry,” she said, like any child. It was winter, when fresh food is a dream of warmth and sunlight; but I had strings of whole apples, cored and dried, hanging from the beams of my chamber, and I pulled an apple down for her. “Here.” Autumn is the time of drying, of preserving, a time of picking apples, of rendering the goose fat. Winter is the time of hunger, of snow, and of death; and it is the time of the midwinter feast, when we rub the goose-fat into the skin of a whole pig, stuffed with that autumn’s apples, then we roast it or spit it, and we prepare to feast upon the crackling. She took the dried apple from me and began to chew it with her sharp yellow teeth. “Is it good?”

I mean, what else could I possibly cook after reading that passage than pork and apples? So, in literary homage to the genius of Neil Gaiman, and in honor of Beastly Books in Santa Fe who graciously gifted me with this book (and its owner, the marvelous George R.R. Martin), I present to you pork chops and apples in creamy mustard and white wine sauce. And nary a roasted stepmother in sight!

INGREDIENTS
4 bone-in pork chops, around 1 inch thick
Sea salt and ground black pepper for seasoning
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 red apples, cored and sliced into lengthwise wedges
1 large shallot, minced
1 large garlic clove, minced
10-12 sage leaves
1 cup dry white wine
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
1/2 cup heavy cream

METHOD
Leave the pork chops on a platter to dry and to come to room temperature before seasoning with salt and pepper.

Melt together the butter and olive oil in a large metal or cast-iron pan over high heat, then add the seasoned pork chops and brown on all sides over medium-high heat for about 6 minutes per side. Don’t forget to sear the fat on either side, as well. Set aside on a plate.

Add the apple wedges to the hot pan oils and drop the heat to medium-low, then cook the apples about 3 minutes per side. They will darken to a beautiful gold color but don’t let them get mushy. The idea is for them to be tender-crisp since they will continue cooking with the pork later.

Transfer the cooked apples to the plate with the pork to cool a bit, and add the shallots, garlic, and sage to the pan juices. Cook for about 10 minutes, seasoning lightly with salt and pepper.

Lower heat to lowest setting, and pour over the white wine and apple cider vinegar to deglaze the pan, incorporating all the yummy brown bits that have started sticking to the bottom of the pan.

Simmer for about 5 minutes, then add the pork chops and apples back to pan, pouring over any juices from the platter. Cook for another 12-15 minutes, especially if you have thick chops. Check the meat’s internal temperature to ensure it has reached 145F, and test the apples to make sure they are soft with a bite, but not mushy.

Plate pork chops and apples on a large platter, cover with foil and finish the pan sauce by adding in the mustard and heavy cream to the juices in the pan. Whisk together and taste for seasoning, then adjust as needed for savoriness or salt. Depending on if you want a thicker sauce, you can add more cream, as well.

Plate the chops and apples, and pour over the creamy, sage and garlic-scented sauce while trying very hard not to drool.

Admire your autumnally-colored portrait on a plate before devouring, though preferably not in the style of Snow White sucking the blood from her father and stepmother. We’re trying to eat, for God’s sake. 🙂