The Beheading Game by Rebecca Lehmann

Anne Boleyn has fascinated me since I was a child and read about her ghost supposedly haunting the Tower of London, strolling around with her decapitated head tucked under one arm. It’s the stuff of legend, of history, of the brutality and terror suffered by many at the hands of a despotic king, Henry VIII. This is a woman who was badly mistreated both during her own life and after her untimely execution when her reputation was smeared beyond belief. So to find this book The Beheading Game, in which Anne awakens after her decapitation, finds herself still alive albeit without a head, sews her head back onto her neck, and sets out for revenge on Henry and to ensure her daughter Elizabeth’s safety, hooked me from the first page. I love me a good revenge tale and this is the ultimate getting-back-at-your-horrible-husband story. Also, the cover is gorgeous and I am as much a sucker for a beautiful book cover as I am for a beautiful wine bottle label.

Obviously, the entire premise of the book requires a major suspension of disbelief, so I went in willing to see where this adventure took me. The book starts with Anne Boleyn awakening in a box after her decapitation and feeling her own head next to her body. Hey, you had me at reanimation and beheading. One of the most compelling scenes in this book is when Anne climbs out of the arrow box that Henry has seen fit to deposit her headless body and linen-wrapped head. Just picturing it gave me the heebie-jeebies. Anne then goes in search of needle and thread with which to reattach her head to her neck. It sounds like it would be body horror extraordinaire, and in some ways, it is. Lehmann is such a talented writer, though, that the scene is also lyrical and creepy without crossing into total parody. I mean, when you as a reader accept the fact that a decapitated Queen of England can come back to life, allowing for the impossibility of reattaching her head and having her functionality return to normal is a short step.

Anne goes in search of revenge against Henry and to ensure her daughter Elizabeth’s claim to the throne is secure, terrified as she is that Henry will cast Elizabeth aside as illegitimate since he had a fake annulment for his marriage to Anne done before her death. As she goes in search of a way to get to Whitecastle Palace, where Henry has established his court and has made plans to marry Anne’s lady-in-waiting Jane Seymour just days after Anne’s death, Anne meets a fascinating cast of characters, including Alice, a woman from the Fens in northern England who occasionally prostitutes herself for money to support her children. Alice, a commoner, becomes Anne’s travel companion and they slowly develop a friendship – and more – even as Anne’s self-aggrandizement and entitlement lead her to act terribly to Alice on occasion.

Anne herself is written as a very complex character, which I appreciated. Lehmann clearly did her research on the time period, on Anne’s history, and on the sexual politics, cultural beliefs, and religious strictures of the time. There were several elements of her story that I hadn’t been aware of previously, namely that she fought to have the money that was gained from Henry shutting down the Catholic monasteries after he created the Church of England used for education and training of doctors, and she was known for her intelligence but also for speaking her mind. I suppose you’d call her an uppity woman, which I like. I also very much liked the magical realism elements of the book – the mysterious bull that protects her as she makes her way back to London is a favorite – but also the fact that the magic that has reanimated Anne is never explained. And of course, the alt-history ending (SPOILER ALERT!) in which she finds Henry in his private chapel the night before he weds Jane Seymour and beheads him, thus making Elizabeth the Queen, which she ultimately was in our true historic timeline. An extremely satisfying alt-history ending and well-executed by the author, IMHO. (See what I did there? Executed? Bahahahahaha!)

Having read many books, fictional and non-fiction, about the Tudors and Henry and his six wives, I of course knew already that he was a bastard and a psycho. However, the true and horrific brutality of this man is truly brought home here. He is essentially a serial killer, murdering two of his wives in his lifetime and having two of his most loyal advisors beheaded because they did not agree with him. The fact that is is also seen as one of England’s great rulers is ironic, but I suppose one can be a horrible human being and a visionary leader at the same time.

There is much food throughout this book – descriptions of sumptuous Court feasts, elaborate banquets, simple hand-held meals eaten while walking through the streets of London, a rabbit killed and eaten raw by Anne as she travels solo, a roast chicken that Anne purloins when she has snuck back into the castle to kill Henry, and a simple gift of smoked fish and parsnips given by Alice’s brother George to Anne as she sets out to London to confront Henry and exact her revenge. There is an entire chapter called Parsnips and so of course, having not eaten many parsnips, I had to make something that honored this passage.

“George had given her a bundle of food that Ethel had packed – a loaf of bread and some raw parsnips, a large slab of smoked fish – enough, Anne hoped, to tide her over for her journey.“

I love smoked fish, namely trout and salmon, and thought the flavors of smoked salmon and parsnip would work very well together, either as a pasta sauce or a chowder, so I opted for a chowder because what else would you possibly want to eat if you came back to life and sewed back on your own severed head? So that’s what I made.

INGREDIENTS
1 lb. potatoes, peeled and cubed
1 lb. parsnips, peeled and cubed
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/2 lb. prosciutto, finely diced
1 leek, white part only, cut into coins
1/2 cup diced onion
1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves
Salt and pepper to taste
3 tablespoons flour, divided
3 bottles clam juice
2 cups vegetable stock
3/4 cup dry white wine
1/2 cup of full-fat milk
1/2 cup heavy cream
3 tablespoons butter
1 and 1/2 lbs. fresh salmon, cut into cubes
6 ounces sliced smoked salmon (optional)

METHOD
Put the peeled and cubed potatoes and parsnips in a bowl of cold water and leave for about an hour. Don’t throw away the water, though.

In a large pot over medium heat, cook the prosciutto in olive oil until it’s brown and crisp. 7-10 minutes at most.

Add the leeks, onion, thyme, and salt and pepper to taste. Cook for about 5 minutes, stirring frequently.

Add in a tablespoon of flour, stir and cook another couple of minutes, then add in the drained cubed potatoes and parsnips.

Pour in the clam juice, then add the vegetable stock and then the white wine, and simmer everything for 15-20 minutes or until the vegetables are fork-tender.

While the veg are simmering happily away to themselves, melt the butter in another small pan (did I mention you’ll have a lot of dishes to wash after this is done?) and when it is melted, toss in the rest of the flour and stir, cooking over low heat for about 5 minutes.

Add the flour-butter mixture to the vegetable mixture and stir together so that the chowder thickens. Pour in the milk and cream and let heat.

At this point, if your chowder is too thick, add in some of the reserved water from soaking the potatoes and parsnips.

Add in the salmon and let cook for another 5 minutes so that the fish is cooked through.

To serve, top each bowl with smoked salmon and a sprig of fresh thyme and devour greedily, enjoying the sensation of the warm chowder going down your newly reattached throat….oh wait, that’s Anne!